Uchiha
by golfbum
Summary: My dad is evil, Naruto's an idiot,Sakura is naive and Kabuto bugs the crap out of me!" he says as he sits in a chair. A small bubble pops up with a much nicer version of Sasuke, "Life is beautiful!".


Hello and welcome to Uchiha!

This is a cross over between Fox's show Titus which was an under appreciated show that was canceled after three years and Naruto!

All the Titus characters will be replaced by Naruto characters in this story and will follow the Titus episode time line.

I do not own Titus or Naruto they belong to their respective owners.

**Neutral Zone: an area where Sasuke will actually talk to the reader. Kind of like the stories narrator in a way.**

_Flashback**:**Does this really need anything to describe it?_

Present:The actual story being told.

**Chapter 1 **

**Sex with Pudding**

* * *

**Neutral Zone:**

**As a lone light bulb is turned on we see Uchiha Sasuke standing below it looking at the reader. "When your born your pure. Unspoiled and trusting, I believe everything and everyone." He says with a smile on his face while moving around the room to stand behind a lone wooden chair. **

**All of the sudden the smile fades into an instant frown as he continues, "And then I met my parents."**

* * *

_Flashback_

_We see a young Titus sitting on a couch watching television. His father is walking behind him towards the door before running behind Sasuke getting his attention, "If a girl named Linda calls I'm not home." His father Jiraiya then smiles at Sasuke, "And don't tell your mother!"._

_Sasuke looks up innocently at his father, "Yes daddy!". This causes Jiraiya to smile even bigger before ruffling his son's hair and walking out the door._

_Not long afterward his mother Tsunade walks up to the young boy, "If a guy named Patrick calls I'm not home. And don't tell your father!"_

"_Yes mommy!" Sasuke replies just like he did to his father not too long ago. Tsunade then kisses him on the forehead and heads for the kitchen._

* * *

**Neutral Zone:**

**We come back to Sasuke who looks back at the reader, "At five years old I was already a double agent.". He walks away from the window he is standing at and walks forward. "I had to be! Dad's been married five times and I swore I would never be like my dad! Or my mom... or my mom...." he finishes walking before sitting down in the wooden chair. "or my mom... or my mom". **

**He brings his left hand underneath his chin before once more stating "Or my mom! Instead I have chosen to always give the benefit of a doubt and live in total trust.". Here Sasuke smiles and rubs his hands together.**

* * *

Present:

"My girlfriend's boning some guy." Sasuke speaks in disbelief as he stands in an elevator with his half brother Naruto and best friend Kabuto.

Kabuto turns towards his best friend "But you don't know that for sure."

Sasuke then turns to Kabuto "Three business dinners and this!" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a note. He reads aloud, " Dear Sakura. A rose petals curves are nothing compared to yours." after reading the note he holds it out to his best friend, " Whats your interpretation?".

Kabuto grabs the note. "Well... Sakura's a very efficient employee, lots of her coworkers admire her. And she happens to be a very attractive person and they might remark on her resemblance to flowers!", he states before handing back the note to Sasuke.

Sasuke stares hard at his best friend with disbelief in what he just heard. "Are you drunk?".

Kabuto rolls his eyes at Sasuke's question.

* * *

**Neutral Zone:**

"**Sakura's the one." Sasuke says while laying down on the floor looking up at the ceiling. "she is my heart, she is my soul, She owns me!" he shakes his head with a smile, "And when you give yourself to someone so completely... you got to make sure they are not screwing around on ya!"**

* * *

Present:

Sasuke puts his hands in his pockets as he asked, "What time ya got?".

Kabuto looks at the watch on his hand replying, "Eleven o'clock."

"Good she's in a staff meeting" Sasuke says. "Okay here's the plan: We go in, ask some questions, we gather evidence." He points at Kabuto "your reconnaissance," then to Naruto, "your a diversion!".

Kabuto to tries to speak up but Sasuke interrupts him with "I don't want to hear any opinions!" as they stand waiting for the door to open.

As the door opens up all three see Sakura Haruno, Sasuke's girlfriend chatting with some guy looking like she is flirting with him!

"Ha ha ha! Jim you are so funny!" she replies with her hand on his shoulder and his on hers. They continue laughing never noticing the three in the elevator which closes on the three shocked men.

Sasuke quickly pushes the open doors button and as it opens one more time to the same scene Sakura notices them inside the elevator and looks shock to see them.

"Hi!" she says as she stares at the three men.

"Hi" the three reply back at different time. Sasuke then walks forward with a sway in his step towards his girlfriend and Jim. "Jim! Sasuke Uchiha!" he puts his arm around Sakura in a protective manner, "The boyfriend, prone to fits of anger."

Jim backs away slowly while Sakura looks uncomfortable in his arm. Jim then holds out his arm saying "hi." which Sasuke grasps tightly, "Hey, ooh! A little feeble" he hisses and pats Jim's hand.

"You should pump some iron for that. Take care of this hand problem." He continues sounding sincerely with a smile still on his face.

Sakura pats Jim on the shoulder, "Jim why don't you go ahead I will be up in a second!" Jim nods and heads for the elevator. Walking between Kabuto and Naruto, who nods his head at Jim, he almost trips on the way there.

"Oh watch that little step there!", Sasuke calls out. As Jim enters the elevator and it closes Sasuke turns to Sakura.

His smile turns into a frown as he begins speaking quickly, "You never mentioned Jim. Jim's funny right?"

Sakura smiles and walks closer to him, "he's just someone that I work with". She then kisses him on the lips for a second then pats him on the cheek, "Should I step aside as you mark your territory?" she asks him.

As Sasuke shakes his head Kabuto walks up and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"Sasuke is way funnier then Jim don't you think? He he he, he was being so funny in the elevator on the way up here!" he pokes Sasuke in the chest pointing at Sakura, "Tell her what you said!"

Sasuke looks once more at his best friend before asking, "Are you drunk?"

Kabuto just laughs and waves his hands in front of him.

Sakura smiles and giggles a little, "Hilarious!" she leans a little bit closer, "You guys do know your not allowed in this building anymore? How did you get past security?" she asks.

Sasuke smiles and poses, "You walk in with confidence nobody bothers ya!"

Sakura looks at Naruto who replies quietly, "I wore a hat...."

* * *

**Neutral Zone:**

"**Naruto's my brother, I love him with all my heart!" Sasuke says walking away from the far wall. He then grits his teeth in anger, "No matter how many times I'm charged as an accessory!"**

* * *

_Flashback:_

_Sasuke and Naruto are being watch through a security camera in a familiar elevator. "It's called stealing Naruto!" Sasuke sings to Naruto._

_Naruto shifts the huge amounts of printing paper in his hands, "It's not stealing! Your girlfriend works here!" he replies back._

_Sasuke rolls his eyes, "But we don't need printing paper."_

"_See that's beauty of it. No motive!" Naruto tells him as he once more shifts the paper and Sasuke snorts at his stupidity. "How are they ever gonna catch us?"._

_Together both brothers finally notice the camera sitting in the upper right hand corner of the elevator and they both separate on opposite sides of the space. Sasuke waves Naruto over to his side since Naruto is still facing the camera. As Naruto moves towards Sasuke he drops paper all over the floor of the elevator trying to hide his face more._

* * *

Present:

"so what are you guys doing here?" Sakura asks pushing some hair out of her face looking around nervously.

The men stutter quickly trying to find and excuse before Kabuto says lunch to which all the other two agree. "We thought we take you to lunch" Sasuke tells Sakura.

She then replies, "It's eleven o'clock."

Sasuke shoots back with a straight face, "So uh when you having lunch?"

Sakura looks at Sasuke like he is a complete idiot. "At lunch time" she says slowly.

Sasuke nods his head at her comeback, "Okay then... We'll just go wait in your office!" he replies trying to head for her office. Sakura quickly grabs him as he tries to pass her.

"No no no no! You are not waiting in my office!" she yells at him.

* * *

**Neutral Zone:**

**Sasuke is sitting in the armrest of the wooden chair. "Sakura's office.... Inflammable, nonflammable, you got to be a dictionary to know what burns!" he says solemnly.**

* * *

_Flashback:_

_Sasuke and Naruto are standing on the ledge of a building as smoke is coming out of a window that is between them. Sasuke waves Naruto over and the both start side walking the ledge away from the burning room._

* * *

Present:

Sakura grabs Sasuke and starts pushing him to the elevator, "Here's an idea why don't you guys just leave?" she says while looking around, "Last time you were here I almost lost my job!".

The elevator doors open to reveal Shizune, Sakura's boss. "Oh Sakura! The client's here, you coming up?"

All four freeze before Sakura squeaks, "Right now!" and walks into the elevator to stand with her boss. Before the door closes though Shizune stares at Sasuke and Naruto for a moment.

"Don't I know you two?" she ask them. Turning quickly the two men try to hide their faces and deepen their voices.

"No no no you don't...." Naruto says while wiping his face with his arm.

Sasuke rubs his hand on his face as well, "No no we're here to fix the cup coffee thingy! Yeah!".

Shizune looks at them confusingly, "What?".

He coughs out, "The uh cupboard.. coffee.. thing-"

"They're cleaning my office!" Sakura shouts trying to save her boyfriend and his brother. Turning towards the men she stresses out, "Go and wait for me there. Don't touch anything!".

"I know I've seen those guys before..." Shizune tries to get a better look at the two before Sakura grabs her and keeps her in the elevator.

"OOH no no no no! They're a cleaning service!" she tell her boss and as the doors close she adds, "From the group home...".

* * *

**Neutral Zone**

**Sasuke is standing behind the chair with one foot in between the bottom slit of the back of the chair, "Sakura has always been a co-conspirator, keeping the world from knowing how much of a...." He grunts as he pulls out his foot which had become stuck in the chair, " Dork I really am.".**

* * *

_Flashback:_

_at a small dinner somewhere we come across Sakura sitting at a small table when Sasuke come back from the bathroom and sits down._ _"So uh is everything okay?" he says as he sits down not realizing that as he is sitting his tie, that he is wearing, dives straight into the small cup of coffee below him._

_As Sakura giggle a bit, Sasuke looks down realizing why. As he and Sakura attempt to dry out and save his tie he looks up sheepishly at her"Thanks....I'm never going to see you again am I?"._

_Sakura smiles as she gently pulls him in by his tie and they share a long kiss for about five seconds. When she pulls away she says, "Your just not a tie guy."._

_Still in shock that the women in front of him just gave him a kiss he goes, "Nah-uh...."_

* * *

Present:

Inside Sakura's office Sasuke is already standing behind her desk. "Naruto you take the filing cabinet, I'll take the desk!" he tells his half-brother who nods and gets to work.

As Kabuto walks into the room and shuts the door he asks, "Is it possible for you two to come here and not commit a crime?"

Sitting in Sakura's chair rummaging through her desk drawers Sasuke snorts, "This is not a crime!".

Kabuto walks up to the desk with his hand out, "This is an invasion of privacy!" he yells.

"Which is not a crime!" Sasuke replies back to him. He opens up Sakura's laptop which turns on and a little electronic voice is heard, "You have mail!".

Sasuke and Kabuto both look shocked that her laptop was on and did not need a password to get it ready. "Okay this is going to be an invasion of privacy and a crime!" Sasuke says before her starts rummaging through her emails.

* * *

**Neutral Zone:**

**Sasuke is at the door making sure it was locked before turning towards the reader and walking forward. "Growing up I heard of the privilege of privacy that lived in other houses!" he says before acting like a small child and speaking in a higher pitched voice, "I have a diary! I have a journal! Nobody has ever read it!".**

**He goes back to normal, "I tried to keep a dairy once.... it ended up as a performance piece at one of dad's poker games!" he says as he turns around.**

* * *

_Flashback:_

_Jiraiya is seen sitting at a table with several of his friends with cigars and booze on the table, with Sasuke's diary in his hand. Sasuke enters through the kitchen door just in time to hear, "I don't know if she'll never notice me, but just knowing she's in the world makes the world a better place to live in!". As Sasuke stands there in shock Jiraiya continues, "My secret dairy by Sasuke W. Uchiha. Gentlemen the W stands for Wussy!". This causes all the drunk men at the table to burst out laughing along with Jiraiya._

_Catching his breath he turns to Sasuke, "Once you get laid you'll stop writing this crap!" he says before tossing the small book at his son who catches it. The men continue to laugh at him as Jiraiya begins to deal._

* * *

Present:

Sasuke sits up straight as he finds something in Sakura's email files. "Oh my god!".

Kabuto turns away from looking out the window, "Don't judge her! They just send you that porno without even asking ya!".

Sasuke just looks at his best friend before turning back to the laptop as Naruto comes up from behind him. "Don't judge her?" he ask as he begins reading off the email. "'Sakura dinner tonight? Question mark. Same place as usual? Question mark.'". He looks to Kabuto suspiciously.

Kabuto walks forward shrugging his shoulders, "Snacks in the break room. Period.". Sasuke once more looks at Kabuto weirdly.

Sasuke continues, "'Signed fondly, Pudding'.....", he looks confusingly at the nickname. "Pudding?"

Kabuto points at the laptop, "See Pudding, a light snack!".

Naruto says in a low angry voice, "I hate this Pudding guy.".

* * *

And here is part one of Sex with Pudding!

Hope you all enjoy this. Tell me what you think?

Thanks to Ona5200 for doing the world a favor and uploading a truly awesome TV show!


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